Out of Focus Read online

  Von knew that. Nick was a creature of habit. Always had been. “Was Jake with him?”

  The clerk rubbed his moustache. “I can’t be sure if the little guy was with him or not. It was so busy. I’ve got the security tapes though. Give me a minute and I’ll get them for you.”

  The clerk disappeared behind a security door and came out with a tape.

  “It’s a start,” Von said. “I appreciate it.”

  “Hey, anything I can do. Let me know.”

  Von hurried out of the store. He needed to leave now if he was going to make it on time. He’d offered to take care of all the arrangements for Kasey. Nick had pre-paid and planned his funeral years ago, so it was just a matter of following that plan. Von had an appointment in thirty minutes with the funeral home. It was the least he could do for her. Burying a spouse was a torture he wished on no one.

  He remembered only too well how unpredictable grief was. How it swept in and took you right off your feet with no warning. Everyone gave him unsolicited advice on how to navigate it; they’d do the same to Kasey. She’d have to find her own way—in her own time. A lesson he’d learned the hard way.

  The funeral director was helpful, and a lot smoother than when he’d had to go through it for Deidre. Of course, he’d been in a fog then.

  With all the details finalized, Von headed home. Losing Nick brought on a familiar grief that burned in his chest like a raw, gaping wound. It was like reliving losing Deidre all over again. But if Jake was out there, the most important thing he could do for Nick was find his boy. That was all he could think about the whole ride home.

  He walked into the house feeling tired and impatient. His specialized skills weren’t getting him anywhere with this case. Maybe it was true that you shouldn’t work on cases you were too close to. The video tape tucked in his pocket was the only glimmer of hope he had. He tossed his hat on his desk, and inserted the video surveillance into the player. The date stamp was blank. The clerk had warned him that the power had gone off that week and he hadn’t reset the recorder yet. Von wasn’t sure why he even bothered looking at the tape, except that any hope was better than none, and there were no other leads to follow.

  Von rubbed his hand across his chin as he pressed the buttons on the remote, fast-forwarding, then rewinding, then pausing to analyze the less than perfect images as people came and went. The process was slow.

  After numerous stops and starts, a familiar image caught his eye. He pressed the Pause button and moved closer to the screen.

  Frame by frame, he watched his best friend push open the glass door. Nick was dressed in a camo t-shirt and a ball cap, with a junior version of himself clinging to his hand.

  Jake.

  Von settled on the edge of his desk, rewound the tape, watched it again, and let it play out. He watched Nick and Jake walk to the counter and then leave the store together. He rewound the tape and played the scene again, and then again.

  “This is too much.”

  It was bad enough Nick was gone, but no man could bear to think of a young boy like Jake in danger or hurt...or worse.

  He bowed his head. The loss was like a steel weight, empty and cold in his gut.

  “Damn it, Nick,” Von said to the screen. “This isn’t enough to go on.” He pounded his fist on the desk. “Help me find him, man. Point me to a clue. Where is he?”

  Von pitched the remote against the wall, then headed to his truck.

  Chapter Five

  Over the past few days, Kasey’s life had moved on without her having a say. She couldn’t manage to make even the simplest decisions. Nick was gone. Jake had disappeared. She replayed the news and the chain of events that followed in her mind a thousand times, wishing for an answer. None of it made sense. Her faith in God wavered in the wake of the unimaginable string of events.

  The morning of Nick’s funeral, Kasey rode to the church in the limo, then sat in the chapel with Riley and Von and a hundred other people who had loved Nick. The names of people she knew escaped her, which was just as well, because she couldn’t seem to get any words out. It was nearly too much to breathe, much less talk. She wasn’t sure if she could speak even if she tried.

  She could barely take a breath at the sight of the rose-colored wooden casket. Masses of colorful wreaths and sprays filled the front of the large chapel. It made the heavy casket appear to hover above a meadow of flowers. An enlarged copy of the black-and-white portrait of Nick, with Jake on his hip, was propped on an easel—the same picture she kept on her mantel. Her favorite.

  The preacher stood at the front, speaking—saying something. It didn’t matter what. She wasn’t ready to listen to him.

  God, you took Nick and left me behind. But why, if not to take care of our son? How could our sweet Jake disappear without a trace? How could you let this happen? Help me. Please, help me.

  Sorrow hung heavy in the packed chapel.

  How long had the preacher been talking? His words were meant to comfort, but they didn’t. Each word felt like a knife cutting into her heart. If she could move her legs, she’d run right up the aisle and out the door. Away. As far away from the pain as she could get. But her legs weren’t moving. She felt paralyzed, glued to the pew, wondering why she bothered to breathe. The alternative seemed more appealing right now, except she knew Jake needed her.

  She’d find him.

  She had to.

  One by one, people came to the front of the chapel, stepping up to share their stories about Nick. It gnawed at her gut to share the moment, afraid her own precious memories would be lost in their voices. She looked in their direction, but through them, avoiding their memories—concentrating on anything but their words.

  She nodded in an attempt to look appreciative. That was the best she could do.

  The organist played The Wind Beneath My Wings. The first three notes took Kasey’s breath away. There was no wind, no air. Her own wings had been clipped.

  She’d been blessed to share a true love with Nick, a love that had come without effort. But now she felt cursed to have known that love. Alfred Lord Tennyson was a fool. It was not better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. If she hadn’t loved Nick with every part of her being, she wouldn’t be so devastated now.

  “You okay?” Riley rubbed Kasey’s arm.

  “Numb,” Kasey whispered.

  There were so many people. Nick had been well-known, well-liked, for his many contributions to the community. She knew that, but the number of people here today overwhelmed her. She didn’t want to share this private moment between her and Nick and God.

  Kasey clutched a handkerchief between trembling fingers. No lace, no embroidery, just one of Nick’s that she’d pulled out from a load of laundry he’d left in the dryer. A point they’d often debated. Nick would leave clothes in the dryer so long that the wrinkles baked in. She’d have to iron or rewash them, and she wasn’t a fan of ironing. The hanky she held had been a wrinkled mess even before she’d balled it in her hand.

  The funeral ended, and Riley wrapped her arm around Kasey. “It’s time to move outside.”

  Kasey’s hands shook. She grabbed Riley’s arm and they left the church.

  The sky was bright and the air warm. They rode in the black funeral sedan to the inescapable moment ahead.

  Mourners crowded the cemetery, dressed in dark and muted colors. They seemed to move more slowly and more quietly than normal. Or maybe it was just Kasey’s brain working slower, resistant to the changes in her life.

  Riley and Von sat on either side of her, near Nick’s casket.

  The prayers were short and heartbreaking.

  Each pallbearer tucked his boutonniere into the full spray of flowers that covered the coffin, then the crowds peeled away from the burial plot.

  But Kasey couldn’t leave—not yet. She stood and walked to the side of the coffin, slid her hands under the blanket of flowers, and laid her cheek on the smooth wood of the casket. Von and Riley came to her side
as the others headed for their cars.

  They would receive guests at the farmhouse. Kasey wasn’t keen on the idea, but Nick would’ve wanted it that way.

  “Kasey, honey.” Riley tried to bring her attention to the present. “Do you recognize that man?” She pointed to their right.

  Kasey lifted her gaze from the casket and turned to look.

  A very tall man, dressed in black, walked toward them. He had one of his hands shoved deep in the pocket of his trousers, pulling his jacket aside and exposing his slim hip and long stride. Dark glasses rested on his perfect nose.

  Even through the tears, Kasey recognized the silhouette. But it didn’t make sense. It couldn’t be. Her mind must be mixing images from the recent weeks.

  She blinked and refocused.

  It was him. Kasey grabbed Riley’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s okay.” She walked to meet him halfway.

  He took both her hands in his—his were warm.

  “You’re in all of our prayers.” Cody Tuggle’s deep voice came out slow and calming.

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s been all over the news.”

  “Why did you come?”

  He looked at the ground, pushing the toe of his boot in the grass. “I just knew I needed to. It had to be devastating news to come home to.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  He placed his hand on her shoulder. “If there’s anything I can do to help find Jake...or anything, let me know.”

  Her shoulders folded forward as she tried to drag in air, sobbing into her hands. Cody caught her by the elbow as her knees gave way. Riley ran toward them.

  “I got her.” Cody swept Kasey into his arms.

  Riley pointed to where Von stood just thirty feet away next to a black limo. Cody nodded and carried Kasey to the car. Von opened the door, and Cody released her onto the soft leather of the back seat.

  “Thank you.” Kasey squinted against the glare of the sun as she peered out of the limo at Cody. “I’m so —”

  “Shhhsh. Now who’s talking too much?”

  She gave him a half smile.

  Von shut the door.

  Cody extended his hand to Von. “Cody Tuggle. Kasey just finished a shoot with us the morning of the accident.”

  “Nice of you to come.”

  “Anything I can do?” Cody asked.

  “I wish there was. She’s trying to deal with the grief of losing Nick and the hope that we’ll find her son. He was with Nick that morning, but there’s still no sign of him.” Von swallowed his own grief and shook Cody’s hand again. “Thanks. Every friend helps at a time like this.”

  Chapter Six

  Before they’d left for the church this morning, Kasey had picked out three of Nick’s ball caps to save from the hundreds he owned. Von had suggested that they put the rest in two small troughs on either side of the front door for folks to take when they came later that day if they wanted them. Kasey had liked that idea. She couldn’t bear to throw the hats away.

  The limo pulled into the driveway. Kasey flattened her sweating palms on her dress. Friends, family and acquaintances had already gathered at her house and spilled out onto the front lawn.

  Kasey’s heart fluttered. Most everyone milling about already had one of Von’s hats in hand, and some of the men had them in their back pockets. Others folded them like a taco to get the curve on the bill just right. Nick had always done that, too. They clung to the caps, a connection to Nick.

  Kasey walked from the limo to the front porch and stopped to look at the whiteboard Von had hung on the wall there. On it he had listed the chores required to keep Circle R Farm running for the next three months. The board was nearly filled with the names of neighbors, family and friends who had volunteered to help operate the farm.

  “Thank you,” Kasey said to no one in particular, overcome by the generosity and outreach of their friends. She was relieved that people with ranching and farm experience would keep Nick’s dream alive over the next few months.

  Kasey blew out a breath as she, Riley and Von entered the house. “What would I have done without you and Von? There is no way I could have—”

  Riley stopped her. “Nick and Von were like brothers. Best friends, just like us. We love you, Kasey. My heart is breaking. I’d do anything to make this better for you. I just don’t know what to say. What can I do?”

  “Just be here with me.”

  They held hands. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” Riley said.

  Together they braved the endless stream of people, sharing their personal memories of Nick.

  Nick as a 4-H leader…

  Nick as a dad…

  Nick as a farmer and rancher…

  Nick as a veterinarian…

  Nick as a guitar player…

  Nick as the best darn barbequer around…

  Nick as one hell of a hunter…

  Nick, who always lived every moment to the fullest…

  Nick, the ladies’ man before he’d met her…

  Nick as a steady friend who had never let anyone down…

  Nick.

  “We are going to miss him.”

  Kasey flinched. Each kind remark seemed pierce her heart a little deeper. Nick. I miss you so much.

  The events of the day were catching up to her. Her lips quivered, making it hard to smile. She really wanted to just be left alone.

  Nodding continuously, she repeated, “Yes, he was a wonderful man. Thank you.”

  No one mentioned Jake.

  It was too painful for anyone to even say his name. Most of them believed that he’d been swept away in the currents that day. She’d heard the whispers, but she knew better. Jake was out there, and he was wishing for her as hard as she was wishing to find him. She felt it in her heart and soul.

  Someone brushed her elbow. Startled, she spun around.

  “Jeremy. Sorry, I was off...somewhere.” She reached up and hugged him. “Thank you for being here.”

  “It wasn’t his time.” Jeremy whispered into her hair as he held her. He stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets with his shoulders slumped. “I’m here for you. Remember that.”

  She swallowed back the familiar pain. The last time she’d been at a funeral was when Granddaddy had died. That’s when she’d met Jeremy. At the time she’d thought that was the worst day of her life, but it didn’t even come in a close second to today.

  Jeremy had been Granddaddy’s trusted mechanic back then. A big deal, because Granddaddy wouldn’t let just anyone touch his precious collection of antique cars.

  “Where’s Grem?” Kasey scanned the room, looking for Grandma Emily.

  “She’s in the front room holding court, wondering where you are. You know how she has to be the center of attention,” Jeremy said with a smirk.

  “She was never this bad when Granddaddy was alive.” Even when Kasey had lived at the estate, Grem was more than Kasey could juggle without help. Grem ran off good help in record time. Granddaddy had provisioned for Jeremy to maintain his car collection following his death.

  Kasey had become desperate after Grem ran off yet another companion. The local service was running out of candidates that specialized in elderly care to send her way. So Kasey sweetened the deal for Jeremy by offering him a live-in situation—complete with full use of the temperature-controlled garage bays on the back of the estate to work on his own antique car projects. In exchange, he’d tote Grandma Emily around and keep things in check on the property. Jeremy had jumped at the chance. He doted on Grandma like Granddaddy used to. Grem adored him.

  Jeremy was like one of the family now, and his striking dark hair and blue eyes left many thinking he was related because he looked so much like Granddaddy. Probably one of the reasons Grem loves having him around.

  “You ready to see the queen?” Jeremy asked, extending his arm.

  Kasey managed a grin and took his arm. Grem sat in her wheelchair, next to the fireplace. Ka
sey crossed the room and hugged her.

  Grem held Kasey’s arm. “The carriage house is ready, but you should stay up at the house with me for a while, dear. You know, until you feel better.”

  “Thanks, but I’ll be fine here.”

  Grem scowled.

  Kasey stepped back. What was that for?

  Jeremy must have sensed the mood, too, because he whisked Grandma Emily off to the side of the small group, turning her back to most of the folks, and whispered something to her.

  Grem scowled. She slapped at the wheelchair but Jeremy kept pushing. “What are you doing? For goodness sakes.” She twisted around toward Kasey. “Honey, this is no place for a lady to mourn.” The old woman’s lips pinched. Her too-red lipstick spidered among her wrinkles.

  Kasey moved to her grandmother’s side and knelt down. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

  Grem looked into Kasey’s eyes. “Everything happens for a reason, my dear. Leave this hillbilly farm behind. Live your own dreams now.”

  Was this supposed to be a pep talk? The words hit Kasey like a slap. “Stop it, please.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “I’m sure you mean well, but this isn’t helping.” Suppressing her emotions, she stood and walked to the window. It wouldn’t do any good to get upset with Grem.

  Jeremy pushed the wheelchair next to Kasey. “She insisted,” he mouthed, then shrugged, set the brake and headed for the door, probably for a cigarette.

  Grem grasped Kasey’s wrist with her cold bony hand. “Honey, you know I’m right. You’re young. Your life is not over.” She patted Kasey’s arm.

  “The dreams, the country, they were our dreams. Nick’s and mine. I have absolutely no intention of leaving here. This is our home.”

  The truth was that this place was heartbreak at every turn, but she wouldn’t admit that to Grem. Mixed feelings surged through her. One minute she wanted to embrace everything that Jake and Nick had ever touched. Then, a moment later, she wanted to hit the damn road, leave it all behind, and pretend this part of her life had never happened.